i left the pink screen on for like 2 minutes and almost closed the tab. that's not a bug apparently. it's just loading. felt like a weird power move honestly.

anyway this is the smaller version of that maiko classroom game, the one where you're basically trying to survive school while everything goes sideways. you pick what to do each day, which class to skip maybe, who to talk to. the schedule thing is simple but it works. you can end up in detention or behind the gym or somewhere you definitely shouldn't be. the dialogue is a lot. like a LOT lot. sometimes i just wanted to skip but then she'd say something and i'd be like wait what. there's this one scene in the nurse's office that i replayed three times because i picked the wrong option twice and got kicked out. the choices actually matter which surprised me because most of these games just pretend they do.

the art is rough. not in a bad way, more like someone drew it during class while hiding their phone under the desk. the girls have these ridiculous proportions that don't make anatomical sense but whatever, that's the point right. umichan specifically has this expression she makes when you mess up that's somehow more interesting than the actual lewd scenes. i wish there was more variation in the backgrounds though, you see the same hallway like forty times. also the sound is just... there's no sound. i kept checking if my headphones were broken. they weren't.

there's this weird thing where if you pick the study option too many times the game basically punishes you by making nothing happen. found that out the hard way. but then one time i just kept skipping class and somehow unlocked something i wasn't supposed to see yet. the game didn't break, it just rolled with it. i still don't know if that was intentional or not. dare you to try breaking the schedule completely and see what happens.

The bite animation loops weird if you pick the blonde first. Her neck pixelates for half a second, like the artist got bored mid-frame and just said fuck it, ship it. That's the whole vibe here honestly. Mark's a fresh vampire, dumb as a bag of hammers, and you're steering him through a night club full of women who apparently can't smell the undead stink on him. The pickup lines are so bad they wrap back around to funny. One option is literally just staring at her chest until she notices. She does. It works. I laughed, then felt weird about laughing.

The sound design though. Whoever recorded these wet mouth noises deserves a raise or therapy. There's a slurp when he feeds that made me check if my headphones were leaking. And the club music in the background is this generic thump-thump loop that never changes, even during the intimate scenes. So you're trying to get into the mood while some royalty-free beat sounds like it's playing from a phone in another room. Immersion killer. But then she moans and it's this breathy, close-mic thing that goes straight through your spine. I don't know how to feel.

Choices matter more than you'd think for a game this short. Pick the wrong drink and she leaves. Pick the right one and suddenly you're in a back room with her legs over your shoulders. The writing flips between trying to be sexy and accidentally being hilarious. Mark's internal monologue during the feeding is pure cringe poetry. "Her blood tastes like summer and bad decisions." What does that even mean? I wish there was a skip button for his thoughts. There isn't. But the second victim, the one with the silver dress, her scene has this slow build that actually works. The way she tilts her head back, the pause before the bite. Then the animation glitches again and her arm bends backwards. Still hot though. I don't know why I keep replaying it. Maybe I just like the slurp.

I clicked on her neck. Just clicked on it. Like she was a fucking cabinet I needed to open. The game didn't even try to make it sexy, just this janky 3D model with tits that defied gravity and a face that looked like it was melting slightly if you stared too long. But that's the charm, right? It's so unpolished it wraps back around to being hilarious. The dialogue choices pop up and one was literally "Suck her blood back?" which makes zero biological sense but I picked it anyway because what else are you gonna do when your new girlfriend reveals she's a vampire with a hunger and, I quote, "big boobs."

The story is whatever. She's a vampire, you find out, now you gotta fuck her. That's the whole plot. No twist, no deep lore about vampire society. But there's this one moment where you're supposed to interact with the environment and I spent like five minutes clicking a candle that did absolutely nothing. It just sat there, unclickable after the first time, mocking me. I think about that candle a lot. The choices feel like they matter until you realize they just loop you back to the same two sex scenes, just with slightly different grunting sounds. The brunette vampire chick has exactly three facial expressions and one of them is just her mouth open in a way that's supposed to be arousal but looks more like she's trying to remember if she left the oven on.

Wish there was more bloodplay. Actual messy, nasty blood stuff beyond just mentioning she's hungry. A DLC where you hunt together or something, get real feral with it. But that won't happen. The game's what it is. A weird little quest where you click on a vampire's boobs and hope the animation doesn't clip through her own ribcage. Sometimes it does. I still played it twice. The big cock tag is generous, by the way. It's just a normal dick. Don't go in expecting monster proportions.

Sometimes you just crave that specific vibe, you know? That old flash game energy where the animation is a little stiff but the intent is 100% clear. This one nails that nostalgic itch for me. I fired it up on a whim, thinking about those nights browsing Newgrounds or whatever, and the whole priestess exorcising a mansion plot just clicked. The brunette design is simple but those proportions, man, they did not hold back on the chest. It's almost comically exaggerated but in a way that feels like a direct line to my teenage brain.

The gameplay loop is basically clicking through dialogue, making a choice here and there. Honestly the choices feel a bit random, like I clicked one thing and suddenly the ghost is getting a lot friendlier than expected. Not complaining though. The whole point is to rank up and unlock those hentai scenes. And when they hit, it's that classic looped animation style, a little choppy but full of that raw, uncensored action. There's this one scene with a certain mystical spirit that just... I mean the way they drew the sweat and the expressions, pure chef's kiss for a pixel art degenerate like me. It's not gonna win any awards for fluidity but the erotic appeal is off the charts because it commits completely to the bit.

Wish the text moved a bit faster, you can't just skip to the good parts instantly which is a pain when you're trying to see all six cursed souls get their, uh, release. The priestess character herself has this deadpan expression that's weirdly hot as things escalate around her. Reminds me of those old dating sims I'd hide in a buried folder. No complex mechanics, just pure visual reward for your clicks. I've already gone through it twice to see a different ending and honestly might go for a third later. The whole thing is a quick, dirty trip down memory lane that doesn't pretend to be anything else.

The loading screen alone. A crudely drawn starship with what looks like a penis welded to the nacelle. I sat there staring at it for a solid minute before I even clicked start. This whole thing feels like someone found a bootleg Star Trek coloring book from 1997 and just ran with it, and honestly? That’s the energy I needed after a long day. You play as 6 of 9, which is already such a stupidly perfect name, and you’re just clicking through these absolutely unhinged scenarios on the ship. Spook is there, but he’s aggressively gay and keeps trying to drag you to his homo deck. I’m not making that up. There’s a literal button for it.

The scene that got me though, the one I kept going back to like an idiot, was the rear rammer machine. Spook straps into this clunky metal contraption that looks like a torture device from a medieval fair, and the animation is so janky it loops like a broken GIF. But the sound effect. Oh god. It’s this wet, rhythmic squelch that’s way too loud, like someone stirring a pot of thick stew. I laughed so hard I had to put my phone down. Then there’s Whora, a black woman who’s clearly just a palette swap of some other character, and her lesbian scene with 6 of 9 is surprisingly tender? Like, the writing suddenly gets almost poetic for two lines before a Klingon walks in and demands a blowjob. The tonal whiplash is severe.

The captain Kurt enema thing I still don’t understand. You just click a button and he bends over and there’s a hose. No buildup. No explanation. The game doesn’t care if you’re ready. The art is genuinely bad, like MS Paint bad, but the faces during the sex scenes have this dead eyed stare that makes everything ten times funnier. I wish there was more to do with the space pussy box, it’s just a one click gag and then it’s over. The doctor scene is fine, pretty standard hentai stuff, but the Kingon scene has this weird moment where the dialogue loops and you can just keep making 6 of 9 say the same line over and over while the animation plays. I did that for way too long. If you’re homophobic this game will probably give you a stroke, which is a feature not a bug.

Look I don't even know how many girls are in this thing. It says five but I kept losing count because blonde one kept moving around and the brunette with the real model tag, she looks like someone I saw on tiktok once maybe. The quiz format is weird right. You answer questions and then scenes happen. My first run I got three wrong on purpose just to see if the orgy collapses like a badly planned house party where someone brought hummus but no chips. It doesn't. The guy still gets everything. Lucky bastard.

The pacing though. Jesus. It's like they threw a surprise party but forgot to tell half the guests what time to show up. One minute you're doing trivia about god knows what and then suddenly everyone's naked and the brunette is doing something with her mouth while the blonde watches and I haven't even figured out what the actual question was about. Maybe geography. Who cares. The reverse gangbang thing means the women run the show and that's hot but also kind of funny because the guy just stands there like he's waiting for a bus. A very sexual bus.

Game mechanics don't matter. Hit buttons, things happen, there's a choice system that feels random like deciding whether to eat pizza or tacos at a party where both are already ordered. The real model faces are uncanny sometimes, especially when they smile during explicit moments. Gives me that feeling of watching a dubbed anime where the mouth moves wrong. Still jerked it though. So the game works I guess. Just wish the pacing didn't feel like someone kept hitting fast forward then pause then rewind.

The shower is running and there's a blonde with tits that could stop traffic just standing there, water dripping off her like she owns the place. I don't remember her name. I don't remember my name, honestly. The game opens with this perfect wtf moment, no tutorial, no hand holding, just wet skin and confusion. Classic blackout setup. You stumble out into the city trying to piece together last night through conversations that feel like pulling teeth from a very attractive, very naked dentist.

The quest system is basically walk around, bump into women with improbable chest physics, and pick dialogue options that range from smooth to "did I really just say that." There's this one choice early on where you can either admit you remember nothing or pretend you're totally in control. Picked the second option and the girl's eyebrow went up so high I thought it'd leave her face. The writing has these moments of actual humor buried under all the jiggle. Not laugh out loud stuff, more like that snort you make when someone trips but catches themselves. The romance paths are about as deep as a puddle after light rain but hey, sometimes you're not here for depth, you're here because a blonde in a shower asked if you wanted to "refresh your memory."

The story tries to be mysterious with this whole drug fueled amnesia angle but honestly I kept forgetting there was a plot between scenes. Which might be meta? Probably not intentional. The choice mechanics feel like they matter for about thirty seconds until you realize most roads lead to the same naked destination. Not complaining exactly. Just saying if you're expecting branching narratives that rival a Bioware game, adjust those expectations down. Way down. To where the big tits are. That's the sweet spot.

Drake lives in a vibrant world filled with gnomes, elves, and raw magical energy. He’s no ordinary peasant - he craves power, respect, and the kind of pleasure only royalty can offer.

Every choice you make propels Drake through a tangled web of quests and encounters. From shadowy taverns where secrets and sins mix, to glittering courts where desire hides behind silk and steel.

Encounter alluring elves whose gazes promise both danger and delight. Every princess you seduce isn’t just a prize - they’re powerful players in a game of lust and ambition.

Unleash your inner rogue and learn the lessons of passion that will turn Drake from a nobody into a legend. With each steamy encounter and daring decision, feel the pulse of a living fantasy where your hands craft every outcome.

This isn’t just another fantasy adventure - it’s a visceral journey through lust, power, and transformation. Do you have what it takes to climb from peasant to ruler of hearts and bodies alike?.

Dive into a CG-filled odyssey where your every decision fans the flames of passion and ambition. The world of Drake waits - bold, raw, and ready to reward those who dare.

The whole thing feels like someone animated a meme they saw at 4AM and forgot to finish. Charlie, this blond dude with a face that screams "I've made several mistakes," is back. And Yoda is there. Not a wise, swamp dwelling Yoda. A ghetto Yoda, dropping wisdom that sounds like it was run through Google Translate three times and then shouted from a passing car. The voice acting, if you can call it that, is so flat it wraps back around to being hypnotic. Like, you can't stop listening because you need to know if the next line will have even a single human emotion attached. It doesn't.

The choices are the real comedy. You get these dialogue options that are basically "be a dumbass" or "be a slightly different flavor of dumbass." I picked one that I thought would lead to some profound, Force-adjacent lesson. Instead, Charlie just kind of grunts and the scene cuts to something completely unrelated. There's a moment with a pizza delivery that I'm still not sure was a dream sequence or just bad editing. The explicit stuff is there, sure, but it's rendered with the same chaotic energy as everything else. Bodies move like they're made of vaguely connected action figures, and the sound design is just... wet slaps and silence. It's not sexy. It's a documentary of a car crash, but with more moaning.

The parody tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting. It's not a parody of Star Wars, it's a parody of the concept of a coherent narrative. The humor comes from the sheer audacity of its existence. Why is Yoda's advice about getting laid? Why does Charlie's hair look like that? The game never answers these questions, and honestly, asking them feels like missing the point. It's a fever dream you click through, a piece of digital folk art that makes you question your own choices more than the ones on screen. The urban setting is just a few jpegs of a brick wall and a chain link fence. It's perfect. I hated it. I clicked through every single path.