Right, so I boot this up expecting some slick FPS hentai thing, but nah, it's got this janky PS1-era energy that I'm honestly here for. You're in this abandoned building, and there's this anime girl with knives, just... there. She wants you to clear five floors of monsters. That's it. That's the plot. No long cutscenes, no lore dumps about why the building is full of weird slobbering creatures, just get to the killing.

The shooting feels floaty as hell, like you're aiming a camera on a stick. First room I walk into, some lumpy monster with too many eyes rushes me and I panic, unloading a whole clip into the wall. The sound design is a mess, just these crunchy stock effects that somehow make the headshots feel more satisfying. You get a messy cumshot scene after each floor clear with the knife girl, and the animation is so deliberately unpolished it loops weirdly. Her mouth just sort of hovers over the action, like a broken animatronic. Honestly, that's the charm. It's not trying to be some hyper-realistic 3D thing, it's just raw and horny.

The monster variety is actually a surprise. Floor three had these floating jellyfish things that shoot goo, and I got stuck there for ages because my framerate tanked whenever they exploded. I started calling the knife girl "Stabby-chan" in my head. She just stands there between levels, completely unfazed, which is hilarious. By the time I got to the final blowjob scene, I was more invested in the jank than the actual porn. The game crashed once when I tried to pick up ammo too fast. Still went back and finished it. Don't even know why.

The whole thing feels like someone took a browser flash game from 2006 and just... left it. Not in a nostalgic way, more like finding a half-eaten sandwich under your desk. You're on a spaceship, supposedly, but it's just a static background that looks like a screensaver from Windows 95 had a baby with a bad sci-fi novel cover. And the babes. The "sexy babes" you're supposed to shoot. They just pop up, these big tits floating in front of you like they're on a conveyer belt, no animation, no nothing. Just... there. And you click. You click on them until they disappear.

I spent way too long trying to figure out if there was a headshot bonus or something. There isn't. It's just click the boob, click the boob, oh look another boob. The FPS tag is a lie, by the way. It's a point and click gallery shooter where your "gun" is just a cursor. I kept waiting for something, anything, to happen. Like maybe one of them would say something? Or move? Nope. Just pop. Click. Pop. Click. My brain started to melt a little. I started naming them. That one's Brenda. She looks like a Brenda. Brenda, why are you just standing there while I click on your left nipple? Say something, Brenda.

Then there's a boss girl. She's bigger. Takes more clicks. That's it. That's the whole game. The reward is a static image that you could probably find on page 47 of a Google image search for "space boobs". I don't know what I expected. Actually, I do. I expected something with the word "shooter" in the tags to have, I don't know, shooting? With a gun? That you can see? The whole thing is so aggressively unpolished it circles back around to being almost hypnotic. Like, I couldn't stop. I had to see if there was a level two. There is no level two. Just Brenda and her friends, forever.