The save system here is a joke, right? I lost like a whole afternoon’s choices because I clicked something wrong and there is no rollback. I was on Belle’s route, the whole laundry day scenario where you’re just trying to be a decent fucking roommate and not stare at her shorts riding up. I chose to just hand her the detergent, thinking I’m being slick, being normal. The game just dead ended me right there. She took her basket, said thanks for being a pal, and locked her door. The screen faded to black and that was it. I just sat there staring at the main menu again. This is an adult parody sim. I’ve seen cleaner interfaces on those dodgy pixel hentai games on itch.io. The jank is real.

I do keep thinking about that one weirdly specific moment with the goth girl, though. Kylie? I can’t remember her name. It’s a generic Disney parody but horny, whatever. You’re fixing a sink under her bathroom and she accidentally bumps her hip on your shoulder, and the whole screen does this slow zoom on the point of contact. The fabric of her fishnets is this grotesque, high-definition mess in an otherwise blurry game. Both of you just freeze. The dialogue box just shows “…”. You can literally hear a faucet drip in the background. I’ve played polished 3D simulators that can’t nail that charged-up silence. Here it feels like a total accident, a bug that looped perfectly.

My mind keeps drifting back to that because nothing else really lands. The dialogue options feel like they were run through google translate twice for the horny parts. You can interact with the characters using this mood wheel thing, but it’s pointless half the time. I spent way too long trying to get Belle’s other friend undressed by giving her a backhanded compliment. It didn’t work. The whole thing just made me feel a little grimy, but not in the fun way. That drippy faucet moment, though. I wish the whole game was just that glitch stretched out.

You know what I mean. That game with the one guy in the all-girls school. Yuki, sweet face, hiding his junk, the whole deal. It’s not trying to be clever, it’s just that setup, and honestly the 3d models look like they’re from 2015 or something, stiff hair and dead eyes but somehow it works, it has this cheap charm. The uniforms are doing all the heavy lifting, the classic sailor fuku, short skirts that the camera just loves to linger on whenever Yuki trips or gets pushed into someone. Which happens a lot. The first time he stumbles into the class rep and his hand lands right on her chest, I actually laughed out loud, not because it was funny but because it was so... expected. And then the blush, the little gasp. Renpy doing its thing, text box, click. I wish the sound design wasn’t just one looping piano track that drills into your skull after ten minutes.

Spent way too long in the locker room scene. Not even a real scene, just a still image of a row of lockers and the sound of girls talking behind the door, and you get three choices. Listen, knock, or run. I picked listen, obviously. You get a description of what they’re saying about the new “girl” and it’s all pretty tame but the tension of standing there, the risk of getting caught, that’s what the whole game is about, right? How long can he hide, the description says. Not long if he keeps getting nosebleeds every time the sporty one stretches. There’s a whole route with the shy bookworm who shares her eroge stash with him thinking he’s just a pervy girl too, and the scene where she starts explaining what a “dick” is, pointing at the screen, completely innocent, while Yuki is dying inside... that was genuinely hot. Not in a polished way. In a messy, awkward, “this is wrong” way. The explicit stuff is there, it’s not shy about it, but it’s the build-up that gets me. The accidental touches, the shared baths where you have to pick the “wash back” option knowing full well what it leads to. The game doesn’t have futa, which some people ask, it’s a straight boy with a secret, and that secret is just... anatomy. The female-female stuff is hinted at, there’s a senpai who’s way too interested in “Yuki-chan” and another girl who gets jealous, and I kind of wish that was a bigger part of it, a triangle you could really mess with, but it’s just a subplot that never really pays off. The translation’s a bit rough, some lines feel like they were run through a blender, “Your thing is hard for me?” and I’m like, yes, obviously, but the phrasing is all wrong. Still. I kept clicking. The art is basic 3d but the poses, the angles, someone on the team knew what they were doing with the panty shots, the accidental upskirt when a girl falls out of a tree and you catch her, it’s so stupid and I love it. The game’s called something like “My Secret School Life” or whatever, I don’t remember, it’s on that site with the orange and black. You know the one.

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