My phone buzzed and I nearly dropped it in the bath. It was a notification from some quiz app I downloaded last week, Sex Quiz Summer or whatever. You know those things that promise to reveal your deepest desires but really just want to show you cartoon tits? This one actually got me though. The first question was about what I'd do if I saw a topless girl at the beach and I picked the option about offering sunscreen before I even thought about it. Classic me.

The art is deliberately shit. Like someone drew it in MS Paint while horny and didn't bother with proportions beyond making the boobs massive. There's this one girl with tits so big they'd break her spine in real life and her bikini top is basically dental floss. I laughed out loud when she appeared. The questions get progressively more unhinged too, asking about threesomes and public sex and whether you'd rather fuck in a pool or on a yacht. I kept choosing the most degenerate answers because why not, it's not like this thing is going on my permanent record.

Halfway through I realized I was actually thinking about my answers. Like genuinely considering whether I'm more of a "romantic sunset fuck" person or a "quickie behind the beach bar" person. The quiz doesn't judge you either way, which is nice. By the end it told me I'm a "Summer Slut" with a high sex drive and a thing for exhibitionism. Accurate? Maybe. The description it gave was surprisingly detailed, mentioning stuff about how I probably flirt with strangers and get turned on by the heat. I wish it had more questions about specific kinks instead of just general scenarios but whatever, it's a free flash game not a therapy session. The whole thing took maybe five minutes and now I'm sitting here wondering why I'm single during beach season.