Fuck knows how many of these strip poker things I've clicked through, right? From those weird flash days on Newgrounds to whatever Patreon hottie is trending now. This one, it's got a real model, a hot brunette. And yeah, she's hot. The vip tag is basically just you, her, and a deck of cards. A photoset unlocks as you win. The whole thing is, the production is hilariously scuffed. Her cheeks look like she's holding a wasp in her mouth in one of the win poses, but I can't stop playing.

The game is standard. 500$ bet, which is a ridiculous amount, but it's not like it's real money. You get five cards. She gets five. The twist, and why I'm writing this, is the AI is dumber than a bag of hammers. It folds on a pair of twos when I'm sitting there with a nine-high nothing. I stripped her down to those little lace things in four hands flat. The first time. Felt like a god. The card game logic is so broken it wraps back around to being hilarious. I'm not even looking at the photoset half the time, I'm just trying to see if the dealer will stand on a pair of aces against my obvious bluff. She did. Twice. I lost my shirt, metaphorically, laughing.

God, the Uncle who programmed this, I bet his heart was in the right place. The brunete, she's got this tired look, like she just finished a shift and then her boyfriend told her about this quick modeling gig. Her expression during the striptease is pure "can we please just get the shots for the photoset?" And I dug that. It's honest. Not trying to be some sleek, high-polish casino fantasy. Just a real, kind of awkward hot brunette and some busted poker. The card snapping sound is a stock effect I've heard in a dozen mobile apps. It's perfect. Don't even care about the final topless shot she does this thing where she covers one eye with her hair. Bizzare. Could stare at it all day.