The map just broke. Not in a crash to desktop way, more like the random name generator had a stroke and now my elven kingdom is called Glorp. Fine. Whatever. I'm a princess with tits the size of siege weapons and the king is dying, so I've got five moves a day to unfuck this fantasy spreadsheet.

Spent three days just clicking around the castle because half the buttons don't do anything yet. The kitchen leads to a crypt, obviously, where Nyla the Oracle lives. She's this blue skinned seer who immediately starts explaining the pleasure system like she's teaching me how to file taxes. First visit is all tutorial. Second visit she's like here's some new positions for the breeding box, enjoy. The what now?

The breeding box. Right. You open your territory menu, go to the army tab, hit Rally Soldiers, and suddenly you're not boosting morale with speeches. It's a full on orc gangbang scene with the elf princess getting passed around. Learned that from Nyla. The game calls it rallying. I call it getting railed until your popularity stat goes up. The logic is... well there isn't any, but the scenes are animated enough to make me forget I'm supposed to be managing grain production.

There's a barracks pool that's unfinished. You walk there, the screen changes, and nothing happens. Just a room with water and broken promises. The wardrobe works though, down in the lower levels past the inner courtyard. Can swap outfits, change hair. Important stuff when your character's chest is a gravitational anomaly.

The strategy layer is bare bones. Build mills, recruit soldiers, invade neighbors for resources. Territories have randomly generated names so every playthrough you're conquering places like Blimbo or Snarch. The oracle teaches you new breeding box scenes if you keep visiting her crypt. That's the loop. March armies during the day, get bred by monsters at night, repeat until the king dies or you forget what you were doing.

Wish the barracks pool scene was finished. The placeholder room just sits there, mocking me. At least the breeding box has variety once Nyla unlocks stuff. First time it's basic, later visits get more... creative with the orc anatomy. The pleasure system tracks something but I stopped caring about numbers after the third gangbang. Just click rally and enjoy the show while your kingdom's wheat production mysteriously improves.