The loading screen for Mistbury is just a black void with a spinning icon that looks like a cheap pentagram knockoff from a phone app. Then boom, you're in a school hallway and the first girl you talk to has tits that defy every law of physics I learned before dropping out. Honey Select models, right? You can always tell. The skin has that weird plastic sheen like a doll left in a hot car. I clicked through some dialogue about a normal life and family secrets, not really caring, just wanting to see what the corruption tag was about.

And then the horror tag actually showed up. Not in a clever way. More like the game forgot it was a porn game for a second and threw a jump scare with a badly textured monster. My phone almost slipped into my coffee mug. The contrast is jarring. You go from a genuinely tense moment in a dark mansion, trying to remember which door you came through, to a scene where you're suddenly balls deep in a classmate while she whispers about some demon named Astaroth. The tonal whiplash is insane. I wish the anal sex scenes weren't locked behind a weirdly specific corruption point system that the game never explains. You just have to guess which creepy dialogue option makes the bar go up.

There's a prison infiltration bit that feels like it was ripped from a completely different, better game. I spent ten minutes just tapping the screen to sneak past guards, completely soft, actually invested in the stupid conspiracy plot about saving the world. Then you meet a "bizarre character" who is just a woman with massive honkers in a latex nun outfit and the game remembers its job. The oral sex animations are stiff, like two action figures being mashed together, but the sound design is wet and uncomfortable in a way that works. My boss walked by and I had to fumble for the tab switch. Worth it? Maybe. The whole thing is a mess of stolen ideas and horny nonsense that somehow keeps you tapping. Esse est deus, or whatever the hell the game kept saying. I still don't know what that means.