The jiggle physics on Mrs. Richards are busted. Not in the fun way, more like somebody attached two water balloons to a malfunctioning drone. You load in as Jonathan, this senior who looks like every default create a sim you ever abandoned, and the whole thing runs in your browser with textures that scream royalty free asset pack from 2012. I swear the school hallway background repeats every three lockers and nobody bothered to fix the seams. Yet I kept clicking.

The undress mechanic is basically a patience test. Or a memory game? It’s not clear. You click on her blouse and a meter goes up, and sometimes she slaps you, which honestly feels fair because you’re being a little shit. The principal’s dialogue is this weird mix of stern HR meeting and a badly dubbed porno. At one point she says my detention involves polishing her desk while her tits clip through her own arms. I think. The camera angles are a war crime, the kind where you suddenly zoom into a pore on her face when you were aiming for the stockings. It’s so unpolished it circles back around to feeling deliberate, like an art project about failure.

Speaking of stockings, there’s a whole hidden teacher character the game barely introduces. She sits in the background of one scene and I only noticed because I misclicked and my cursor changed. That’s the stuff I live for when I’m modding assets, finding the janky seams the creator forgot. But here there’s no patching it, you just have to accept that the sex tape unlockable looks like two mannequins recorded on a microwave. The torture tag made me expect something from a Visual Novel hellscape but it’s all very PG-13 slapstick, like she’ll make you write lines while she bends over. I wish the camera had a free mode because the fixed angles cut away right when the tops finally pop off after twenty minutes of grinding the same mini game. The whole thing runs surprisingly smooth though, which makes you wonder why they didn’t spend that processing power on a face that doesn’t look like clay left out in the sun.