Hera’s thighs could crush a trireme, I swear. The game opens with you, some mortal schmuck, getting a divine booty call from Athena and it just... goes from there. The art style is this scratchy, hand drawn thing that feels like someone’s horny sketchbook from art school. Not polished, lines are a bit wobbly, but it works. It really works for the messy parts. I was tapping through dialogue, half paying attention, and then suddenly there’s a close up of Aphrodite that made me choke on my coffee. The way the artist draws nipples, all soft shading and then a sharp little line, it’s a specific kink I didn’t know I had.

The writing is what you’d expect, full of terrible puns. “Mounting Olympus,” get it? The dialogue is basically a delivery system for the next scene. You click, you read a goddess saying something vaguely in character, you click again, and her chiton is gone. There’s a bit with a magic spring that’s supposed to be a puzzle but it’s not, you just click the obvious thing. I wish there was a button to just skip to the gallery sometimes, but the little character moments, like Artemis being genuinely annoyed you’re there before she decides to ride you, are weirdly charming. It’s a renpy game, so you know the drill, save often if you care about seeing every single cumshot variation, though it’s pretty linear.

I got distracted halfway through by a notification from my banking app and it completely killed the mood. Had to stare at my mortgage rate before going back to a centaur. A centaur. The anatomy is... creative. Let’s just say the logistics are not a concern for the artist. The sound design is basically nonexistent, just some looping lyre music that I muted after five minutes to put on a podcast. It’s a quick, dirty little thing. You’ll finish it, in more ways than one, in about the time it takes to do a load of laundry. The Medusa scene at the end was a surprise, didn’t expect the stone cock angle but honestly, why not? It’s Ancient Greece.