The whole thing feels like someone made it in a weekend with a budget of three beers and a vague memory of what a boob looks like. Star Mission, right. You wake up on a ship, last dude alive, surrounded by women who apparently forgot how pants work. The art is this weird, scratchy hentai style that sometimes nails a curve and other times makes a character look like a melted candle. I actually liked that. It’s got personality, unlike those smooth, dead eyed 3D renders you see everywhere.

The first girl you meet, some kind of commander with a uniform that’s mostly just a suggestion, gets right to it. The dialogue is pure poetry. Stuff like, "My body needs your seed for the mission." No hello, no debriefing. Just a deepthroat scene that unlocks after you click the right pixel on her neck. The mechanic is basically a pixel hunt. You poke around the screen until you find the magic spot that makes the scene advance. Miss it, and she just stares at you with those big, empty eyes. It’s frustrating. I spent a solid minute trying to figure out how to get her to turn around for doggystyle. The hitbox for her left shoulder blade is a cruel joke.

There’s a dating sim element that’s barely there. You pick a dialogue option like "You’re beautiful" or "I like your ship" and it somehow