Hentai Academy. I saw the name and thought, okay, another one of those. But then I was two hours deep, spreadsheet open on my second monitor, tracking which uniform variant unlocked which specific after school “tutoring” session. My brain just… latches onto these things. There’s no real story, just the flimsy excuse that you’re some lucky bastard enrolled in a college where the curriculum is exclusively fucking. You wander the halls, which are essentially a menu, clicking on doors with the girls’ faces on them.

The art is that very specific, early 2000s hentai OVA style. Thick lines, improbable anatomy, that one specific shade of hair highlight everyone uses. It’s inconsistent though. Yuki’s tits seem to change size between her intro scene and the reverse cowgirl unlockable. Drove me nuts. You grind affection points by picking the obviously correct dialogue choice, the one that’s basically “yes, I want to see your pussy.” The writing is so blunt it loops back around to being hilarious. A shy bookworm type will just announce, “I want your thick semen inside my womb,” with the emotional depth of reading a grocery list. I wish there was a failure state, or at least a dialogue option that didn’t immediately lead to sex. But that’s not the point, is it.

I got stuck on the school nurse character for a solid hour because her unlock condition is tied to having completed every other girl’s anal scene, something the game never tells you. I only figured it out by furiously clicking through the gallery mode. The sound design is exactly what you expect, a single looping track of high pitched moans that you’ll mute the second someone walks past your room. I can’t tell if this is lazy or genius. Probably both. The gallery itself is my temple, and seeing that final 100% complete save file was a hollow, pixelated triumph. Now I’m just staring at the title screen. What a fucking waste of a perfectly good afternoon.