So my boss is in a meeting and I’m pretending to work on spreadsheets but really I’m thinking about that scene with Juno. You know, the new Martian girl from Haremwatch. The standalone thing. She lands on Earth all confused and doe-eyed and the male protag is just... there. Being helpful. Right.

The art is that specific Overwatch parody style where everyone’s got these impossible proportions but it’s 2D and kinda scratchy, like the artist was figuring things out as they went. Mercy shows up at some point I think? Or maybe that was a different build. No wait, she does, and there’s this whole thing with a medical exam that turns into... well. You know. The lesbian tag is there for a reason. D.Va is around too, doing her gremlin thing, and Ana, and Pharah. But Juno’s the focus. That ass. I’m not kidding, the devs put serious work into just... the curve of it. The humor lands weird sometimes, like a joke will just hang there and you’re not sure if it’s intentional or translation jank. I laughed at the part where Iggy just stares deadpan while you’re trying to flirt. Actually no I didn’t laugh, I just kinda snorted.

The handjob scene is early and it’s fine, whatever, but the oral later with Juno has this one frame where her eyes go slightly cross-eyed and it’s the hottest thing in the whole game. I wish the dialogue had more branching. You pick something and it loops back anyway, which I guess is fair for a short intro build. There’s sex toys involved, a vibrator I think, and it buzzes through the screen. Not literally. You know what I mean.

I kept waiting for the romance to feel earned but honestly I was just clicking for the next lewd. The vaginal sex is solid, the sound design is nonexistent which is probably for the best because I’m at work with one earbud in. The sci-fi stuff is barely there. Mars, Earth, a spaceship, whatever. It’s just a backdrop for Mei to show up and be... aggressively cheerful? That happened. I think. My boss is back. Gotta go.