Look, a giant purple dick just fell from the sky and I didn't move. That's the whole thing. The model on screen, some bored looking real chick in a tank top, just sighs at me. Third time this happened and she's gone, replaced by a game over screen. No dramatic music, no explosion. Just her disappointment and a restart button.

The controls are nothing. Left, right, maybe jump. You're this little dude at the bottom and the sky is raining silicone monsters. Big ones, curved ones, ones with suction cups that I swear have worse hitboxes. The hit detection is absolute garbage and I mean that as a compliment. Sometimes a dildo clearly clips your head and nothing happens. Other times one lands three feet away and the game decides you've been impaled by the concept of plastic. It's this weird arcade mess where you're not fighting for a high score, you're fighting against the game's own jank. The real model in the corner reacts to your failures with this increasingly unimpressed look. Like when you miss a catch in a party game and everyone goes "ooooh" except it's just her, silently judging your inability to dodge a flying phallus.

Wish there was more to her reactions honestly. After the first hit she adjusts her top a bit. Second hit she rolls her eyes. Then poof, gone. A whole mood lost. The dildos themselves have this weird physics, bouncing off each other sometimes, creating combos you can't possibly escape. It's not sexy. It's barely erotic. The nude tag is there I guess because the model's tits are out but it feels so incidental, like someone left a tab open in the background while coding a fever dream. Reminds me of those old flash games on Newgrounds where the entire joke was "what if dildo but game". This is that, but somehow less polished and I keep coming back to it like checking a bruise.