You know what's funny about goblins? Everyone draws them with these massive ears but nobody ever talks about what they're actually doing in dungeons all day. This game gets it. They're waiting to jump your ass the second you walk in looking for dick buttons.

Dick buttons. That's the mechanic. Three of them scattered around a dungeon that's basically a series of connected rooms, and each one has some monster guarding it like it's their job. The redhead goblin girl is the first one you meet and honestly she's the reason I kept restarting. Not because I'm into that specifically but because the capture animation has this pov angle where she just... you know what, I'm not explaining goblin oral to you. You're on this site. You know.

Movement is arrow keys. That's it. No inventory, no combat system, just you trying to dodge monsters that patrol in patterns I still haven't figured out after like twenty attempts. The dungeon layout changes? I think? Sometimes the buttons are in different spots but maybe I'm just bad at remembering where things are. The anal scene with the bigger monster caught me completely off guard because I didn't even see it coming from behind that pillar thing.

There's this one corner near the second button where the hitbox feels wrong. Like I clearly dodged but the game decided nah, you're getting grabbed. Happened three times in a row and I almost closed the tab but then the redhead goblin did this thing with her tongue and I forgot why I was mad.

The monster hunter tag is misleading though. You're not hunting anything. You're the one being hunted. Which is fine, I guess, if you're into that dynamic. The dungeon siege part is accurate at least, it does feel like you're slowly pushing through enemy territory except you have zero weapons and your only defense is walking slightly faster than the things chasing you.

Why are there no sound effects? A goblin giggle would do wonders here.