Diane’s tits are like a gravity well, I swear. You start this thing thinking it’s a cozy slice of life sim, just you and your older landlady who you’ve been obsessed with forever. The art is that specific kind of CG hentai where the shading on the curves is just a little too glossy, like they’re perpetually oiled up. It’s not polished, the UI feels like it was coded in a fugue state, and the text sometimes forgets which character is speaking. But then you’re at a fundraiser and some senator’s wife with a neckline down to her navel is whispering about how her husband doesn’t understand her, and the corruption meter ticks up. It’s so on the nose it wraps back around to being hilarious.

The whole political backdrop is just a conveyor belt of milfs trying to wreck your home. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to be photocopying documents and a rival staffer just presses her whole body against your back. The dialogue choices are basically “be a saint” or “grab the massive honkers.” I picked the grab option, obviously, and the game punished me with a dream sequence where Diane’s face melted into a disappointed emoji. I actually felt a pang of something. Not guilt, more like the annoyance you feel when you drop your phone and the screen doesn’t crack but you know the structural integrity is compromised.

I wish the cheating path had more of a slow burn instead of going zero to sixty. One minute you’re loyal, the next you’re balls deep in a cougar on a desk that definitely has important legislation on it. The relationship with Diane is weirdly sweet in a way that makes the corruption feel more like a farce than a dark road. It’s like watching a telenovela where everyone’s had too much plastic surgery. The game crashed once right after a particularly intense CG, and I just sat there staring at my own reflection in the black screen, wondering if the autosave had my back. It didn’t. I had to replay the entire gala sequence. The dress on that one lobbyist was still worth it though.