You know what I can't stand? When a game has a sword and doesn't let you swing it like a maniac. This one actually does. Space bar, baby. Space bar and everything dies. Or doesn't die, because the monsters here have other plans for you if you mess up the timing. The whole thing is basically a side scrolling dash to an exit door, arrow keys doing the heavy lifting, but now there's this combat layer that makes it feel less like running away and more like... aggressive negotiation.

The castle setting is whatever, just corridors and rooms, but the real architecture is the crowd. And I mean crowd. The description wasn't lying about gangbang scenes, it's like the main selling point. You get cornered by three or four things at once and suddenly the game shifts from arcade action to a very different kind of button mashing fantasy. There's 12 new scenes apparently, I counted maybe 9 before I got distracted by a threesome with some tentacled thing and a knight that definitely skipped leg day. The monster designs are horny in that specific unpolished way, like someone drew them with one hand. It's not pretty but it gets the point across.

I do wish the sword had more weight to it. Sometimes you hit space and the animation just sort of happens, no real crunch. And why are the hitboxes so weird? I clipped through a werewolf once and ended up in a scene I definitely didn't earn. Also the exit door sometimes spawns right next to you and you're like, that's it? Where's the buildup? But then you get a room with six enemies and no sword charge and suddenly it's the most stressful thing I've played all week. The action tag is doing a lot of work here, it's more frantic than skillful. Still, for a browser game I alt tab to during conference calls, it delivers exactly what it promises. No more, no less. Just don't expect polish. Expect to get railed by a gargoyle while you're trying to remember which key is down.