Bene Gesserit training never prepared me for how weird sex can get when you can see the future a little bit. Paul keeps having these horny visions, you know, and half the time I’m not sure if I just fucked a lady or if it will happen next week. The whole spice orgy thing on Arrakis, the sietch tau thing... it’s not just a party. I swear I blinked and there were three Fremen and a Reverend Mother. And nobody’s shy about their big boobs bouncing around, not even the ones who were all serious five minutes ago about water discipline.

The emperor’s whole deal is a parody, yeah, but the dialog really commits to this oily, stilted Lynchian cadence. You get these long conversations about desert power and then suddenly she’s on her knees giving a sloppy blowjob like it’s a trade negotiation. Which I guess on this planet it is. The game just drops you into Paul’s weirdness, clicking through scenes. There’s a threesome with that princess and her servant where the art suddenly gets really detailed on the anal stuff, like the artist got possessed, and I thought my phone was going to melt. But then the next lesbian scene was so static and awkward I laughed out loud. Really wish there was a way to skip forward when the dialog loops, but that’s never getting patched.

The desert scenes, all those orange and brown backgrounds, somehow make the smut feel dirtier, like you really are in some fremen tent figuring out body fluids. I spent twenty minutes trying to find that one specific orgy flashback again because the game’s menu system was clearly built by a sandworm. Didn’t even make sense. There’s a moment where someone mentions a crysknife mid-coitus and I can’t forget the terror. It’s broken, horny, and the guild navigator I tried to romance just stared at me.