The ball grid clears faster than my last relationship. That's the whole loop, right? You pop the shiny ones, the screen gets emptier, and somewhere behind all that festive clutter there's a woman in a red hat pretending she doesn't notice you're only here for the tits. I don't know why they called it a counter-version to Jack Rows. Maybe because the black balls are the ones you're supposed to avoid. Or maybe because Jack Row's game made you collect black balls. I honestly can't remember and I played this thing twice in one sitting.

The Santa girl does this little shimmy when you clear a row. It's not a striptease exactly, more like she's slowly remembering she has a body. First she adjusts the hat. Then the coat slips. You're not even looking at the balls anymore, which is a problem because the black ones start blending in with the background after a while. I lost a run because I was staring at her hip bone and clicked a black ball like an idiot. No undo button. No mercy.

The real model tag is doing a lot of work here. She's got that slightly awkward pose thing going on, like someone told her to look sexy but she's also trying to remember if she left the oven on. It works though. The whole thing feels like a holiday party where you're the only guest and the entertainment is mildly annoyed by your presence. The xmas theme is basically just red and white colors and some tinsel. I forgot to mention the striptease tag. She does strip. Eventually. If you don't fuck up.