The poker logic in this thing is actually not broken. I sat there for a while just playing hands, forgetting what was supposed to happen. The opponent’s AI folds when it should, sometimes bluffs with a shitty pair, and the pacing of the card dealing has that little delay that feels like a real table. It’s a stripped down version of Texas hold’em, no wild cards or weird house rules, just the basics. You win a hand, she loses a piece of clothing. That’s the whole contract.

The model they used has these enormous tits, the kind that look like they’d knock over a glass if she leaned forward too fast. The striptease animations are stiff. Like, really stiff. Her arms move in these robotic arcs, and the clothing just vanishes instead of sliding off naturally. It’s a card game, not a physics simulator, I get it, but when her bra disappears there’s this one frame where her expression doesn’t change at all. Dead eyes, huge bare chest. Unsettling in a way I don’t think they intended. The skin texture on her chest has this weird shine too, like she’s been oiled up for a bodybuilding competition. Which, honestly, given the target audience, might be a plus for some.

My brain kept getting stuck on a detail from the background. There’s a painting on the wall behind her, some kind of abstract mess of red and black. It doesn’t move, it’s just a flat image, but the red in the painting is the exact same shade as the felt on the poker table. A total accident of color matching, I’m sure, but it created this weird tunnel vision effect where my eyes kept bouncing between the cards, her chest, and that stupid painting. I lost a hand because I was thinking about the color theory of a porn game backdrop. You win by stripping her completely, and the final scene is just her sitting there, topless, looking mildly inconvenienced. Then the game resets. No fanfare. Like a poker bot that just happens to have massive boobs. I don’t know what I expected.