my koikatsu install is a mess. custom cards everywhere, some work some don't, and the illusion engine chugs like it's personally offended by my graphics card. this my hero thing is just a card pack basically, a dating sim wrapper around the character models. midnight's card crashed twice before i got her to load properly, and when she did her hair was clipping through the school desk. still.

the mt lady scene. i keep thinking about it. her model is ridiculously proportioned, like the artist just grabbed the sliders and yanked them to maximum, and the reverse cowgirl animation is janky as hell, her spine bends in ways that would put a chiropractor's kids through college. but there's this one frame, right before the loop resets, where her expression flickers into something almost vulnerable. probably a bug. i screenshotted it anyway and now it's in my scrapbook folder between a vaporwave sunset and a picture of my dead cat. don't judge.

spent forty minutes trying to get the cheerleader outfit to load on ochako. it kept defaulting to the school uniform, that boring gray thing, and i almost gave up. then it worked for no reason and the paizuri scene started and honestly the physics were so bad i laughed. boobs moving like water balloons in zero g. but the sound design, or whatever passes for it, that wet rhythmic squelch, it got to me. you know? i forgot about the clipping hair and the broken textures. mirko's footjob scene has a similar thing going on, her toes are just. they're not toes. they're polygons pretending. but the way the camera frames it, looking up at her smug face, i didn't care. i really didn't.

the 69 with toga and camie is bugged, they keep phasing through each other like ghosts, and i still don't know how to unlock lady nagant. the whole thing is held together with tape and prayers. but i keep opening it. midnight's card crashed again yesterday and i just restarted without thinking. that's the review, i guess.

Ben and Gwen in a small quiet room, that already tells you what kind of trouble is coming. The game doesn’t pretend to be some deep epic, it just shows you that one exact moment where Ben’s brain switches off and his dick takes command. Gwen is lying there, half covered, ass pushed up just enough to make you think the artist did that on purpose to hurt you. Ben stares, hesitates for about half a second, then the whole thing slides from “innocent cousins watching TV” to “ok this is porn now” faster than a broken moral compass. And yeah, this one really leans into the forbidden vibe. The way the animation holds on his hand hovering above her panties before he starts groping, that tiny pause is hotter than half of the explicit shit on Pornhub, just because you feel his shame and still want him to continue.

Once he actually touches her, the tempo shifts. At first it’s slow, like he’s testing what he can get away with, rubbing her thighs, palming her ass, that awkward massage that is obviously not a massage. Then Gwen wakes up, looks at him like “seriously?” and still spreads her legs anyway. This is where the game stops pretending to be shy. She goes from sleepy to needy in one cut, climbing on top of him in this lazy cowgirl that feels more private than flashy. Her tits bounce just enough, not that overdone hentai physics, and the pussy shots are framed aggressively close, like you are right there on the sheets. There’s missionary with her ankles pinned by his hands, proper balls-deep strokes, that wet sound sync that makes you check if your volume is too high. At some point he flips her for doggystyle and you get that nice angle where you see her face pushing into the pillow in rhythm, spit on her lips, hair sticking to her cheek. That detail sold it for me more than the cum later.

The game also goes full service on oral. Gwen dropping to her knees, taking his cock with that smug “I know you’re obsessed with me” expression is peak character corruption. She starts with a kind of teasing handjob, thumb rolling over the tip, then just shoves him deep enough to trigger a real throat fuck. The camera pushes right into it, you see her eyes water a bit, mascara slightly ruined, and Ben holding the back of her head like he finally lost all sense of boundaries. Facial lands messy across her nose and lips, some streaks on the cheek, and instead of wiping it right away she smears a bit with her thumb, like she’s claiming it. There are a few small loops that repeat a bit too long, and one creampie angle that looks almost too clean, like the cum texture is from another project, but somehow that roughness fits the vibe. It feels like a dirty fan fantasy someone actually finished, not a polished studio job, and that makes the blowjob scene hit even harder. The whole thing plays like a quiet, fucked up little secret you click “replay” on way too many times.

Right off the bat, picking Starfire feels like the obvious choice, that bright orange skin and those massive tits just pull you in. The whole thing is a Teen Titans parody, but don't expect any story, it's just a menu screen and then bam, you're balls deep. You pick between her and Blackfire, the goth looking sister with the same ridiculous body type. The model for Starfire is surprisingly decent for something this unpolished, her face actually looks like the cartoon, which is more than I can say for the janky way her spine bends during the doggy animation. It's like watching a glow stick get snapped.

The mechanics are bare bones, just a row of buttons to swap poses. Missionary, cowgirl, doggy, the classics. There's a button to switch the girl too, which is nice I guess, but the transitions are so abrupt it feels like changing channels on an old TV. One second you're watching Blackfire's ass bounce in your lap, the next the camera just cuts to a close up of Starfire's face getting a facial. The cumshot itself is this weird, chunky rope that appears out of nowhere, no build up, no throbbing animation, just a sudden white splatter. Spent way too long trying to line up the perfect angle for the internal view, only to realize the camera controls are fighting me the whole time, drifting slightly to the left for no reason. Why is the zoom inverted? Makes no sense.

The sound design, if you can call it that, is just a single looping moan that doesn't even sync with the thrusting. It's like a broken smoke alarm that learned to say "oh yeah". The whole thing has this grimy, flash game energy that's honestly kind of perfect for a quick fap. It doesn't pretend to be anything else. The redhead and brunette tags are a bit of a stretch for the alien sisters, but who cares when you're just clicking through positions like a slideshow. The lack of any real feedback or climax system makes the whole thing feel a bit hollow, like you're just puppeteering two inflatable dolls. Still, seeing Blackfire in a tight cowgirl, her expression completely blank, has a certain trashy charm that's hard to completely hate.

The first time I loaded this up I just stared at 2B’s ass for like five minutes, not even doing anything. That white hair and those android curves, the way her outfit hugs her hips. It’s a Nier Automata parody so you know what you’re getting into, but somehow they still managed to make her look a little off. Like her face is almost there but not quite, you know? The customization options let you tweak her expression and position but honestly the default is already doing things to my brain chemistry.

So you’re on this rooftop waiting for targets to show up and the whole premise is that you’ve got time to kill. Literally. You can just start fucking your combat partner while the bad guys take their sweet time approaching. Missionary first, then flip her over for doggystyle, the transitions are janky but in a way that somehow makes it hotter. Like watching a bootleg hentai where the animation budget ran out but the passion didn’t. Wait, did I say didn’t? I meant didn’t. Fuck.

The cum mechanics are where it gets messy, pun intended. You can shoot loads all over her body and it actually pools and drips in real time. Then you’re supposed to also shoot the enemies when they finally arrive but I kept getting distracted by how the fluid physics work on her thighs. It’s a simulator in the loosest sense, more like a very specific fantasy generator for people who spent too many hours in the original game staring at 2B’s climbing animations. You know who you are. The android tag here means she’s got that slightly mechanical stiffness during certain positions which, honestly, adds to the whole vibe. Like she’s a combat unit who happens to be getting railed between missions. The white hair gets in the way during missionary and I wish they’d fixed that clipping issue but whatever, I’m not here for polish. I’m here because somewhere out there someone decided what Nier Automata really needed was a sex break during stakeouts and they were absolutely correct.