The first time I loaded this up I genuinely laughed at how janky the whole thing is. Not in a mean way, more like finding an old flash game from 2007 that somehow still works. Midna's just there, floating, with her weird little imp body and that smug expression she always had in Twilight Princess. Except now she's got options. Very specific options listed in the corner like some kind of debauched menu at a restaurant nobody asked for.

The anatomy makes no sense and I respect that. Her proportions shift depending on what action you pick, like the game can't decide if she's supposed to be the small mischievous creature from the source material or some fanart version with tits that defy physics. One minute she's giving a handjob with those tiny imp hands, next thing you know there's a cock that's bigger than her entire torso and she's going at it like it's a part time job. The oral animations have this weird loop where her tongue does something that looks more like a glitch than an intentional movement but honestly? That's part of the charm. Or the horror. Depends on your mood.

The anal scene is where things get properly unhinged. She just... positions herself and the game sort of freezes for a second like it's buffering real life. Then it continues with all the grace of a gif from the dial-up era. The cumshot at the end lands with zero physics, just appears, and I sat there wondering about the ethics of virtual character consent for a solid minute before remembering this is a fan-made porn game about a Zelda side character. The masturbation option is there too but it's the least interesting thing on the menu, which says a lot about what we're working with here. I keep coming back to the handjob animation though. Something about how her expression never changes, that permanent smirk, while her hand moves at a speed that would cause friction burns in any universe with realistic physics. It's hypnotic in the worst way.