Woke up thinking about that fucking contract. Not the real one, the one in this game where you die from overwork, classic, and a succubus is like sign here or hell. So you do, and now you're universe hopping, trying to get your dick wet enough to power some demonic quota. The whole premise is so stupidly horny I can't even be mad.

The art is 3DCG, and it's that specific kind where everyone looks like a slightly melted doll but in a way that works for what it is. You get these parody characters, right, and the game just throws them at you. Tsunade's tits are massive, obviously, and there's this whole thing with Hinata where she's all shy and then... not. Spent way too long on the Kaguya scene because the teasing buildup was actually decent, the way she looks at you like you're beneath her until suddenly she's the one on her knees. But then you get to someone like Megumin and it's like, wait, why is she here, the tone is all over the place. The male domination tag is there but honestly half the time you feel like you're just a passenger, which I guess is the point of being a dead guy on a succubus leash.

There's this one moment with Kushina that lives rent free in my head, the pregnancy risk thing is a toggle apparently but I didn't realize until after and the whole scene had this raw, almost uncomfortable energy. And the corruption path with Sakura, watching her go from annoying fangirl to something else entirely, chef's kiss. But then the game just forgets about the paranormal tag for huge stretches. Like, you're a ghost contractor, where's the spooky shit? Oh wait there's a voyeurism scene with Samui that's just... why is she bathing in the middle of a war zone, the logic is nonexistent. The futa content with Haku caught me off guard, not my thing usually but the transformation aspect was handled less cringe than expected. Still, the group sex scenes feel like a slideshow sometimes, just poses cycling. The romance with Shizune is surprisingly sweet though, buried under all the anal and oral. Anyway my phone's at 3% and I need to charge it before I lose this thought about Temari's handjob technique, which is historically inaccurate but who cares.

bro this is the most cursed thing i've clicked on since that time i found a sakura inflation mod for skyrim and i still have nightmares about the physics engine giving up

the whole setup is you're some photographer dude rolling into konoha because apparently ninja instagram doesn't pay the bills anymore and these kunoichis need that onlyclans clout. the art is that weird ai generated stuff where hinata's eyes are looking in two different directions like she's tracking a fly and sakura's hair clips through her shoulder if you look too long. but honestly? that jank kinda adds to the experience. it's like watching a trainwreck where everyone has double d's and questionable anatomy. tsunade shows up and her proportions are so absurd i laughed so hard i choked on my drink. 106cm my ass, those things have their own gravitational pull. the dialogue reads like it was translated through google translate, then back through a blender, then through a horny teenager's text messages. ino says something about "gaining the followers for the sexy page" and i lost it completely.

the gameplay is just clicking through scenes but there's this one moment with temari that caught me off guard because her expression actually looked... good? for like two seconds before her hand melted into her fan. and don't get me started on boa hancock showing up like she wandered in from a completely different anime. what is she even doing in konoha. the male protag has the personality of wet cardboard but i guess that's not why anyone's here. samui's scenes are weirdly the most coherent like someone on the dev team had a favorite and it shows. tenten is there too i guess, doing whatever tenten does which is apparently also needing onlyclans followers because nobody remembers she exists otherwise. the whole thing crashes if you click too fast during the hinata scene which feels like a metaphor for something but i'm too tired to figure out what.