The redhead in apartment 4B has a husband who pays me to watch her. Standard gig. I sit in my car, eat a sandwich that’s mostly mustard now, and wait for her to slip up. The game calls itself a detective thing but it’s really just a series of increasingly thin excuses to end up inside someone’s secretary, or the neighbor, or the woman you’re supposed to be investigating. The humor lands somewhere between a porno script and a half drunk text message. There’s a moment where you can choose to hide in a closet and the narration basically shrugs at you. I laughed. Then I felt weird about laughing.

The fuck town vibe is strong. Every woman has that same look, like they stepped out of a browser pop up from 2007. The redhead, god, she’s the whole reason to keep clicking. Her scenes have this clumsy buildup that somehow makes the cumshot feel more absurd than hot. You collect these encounters like stamps. I wish the private detective angle mattered more, that you actually had to piece together clues instead of just picking which door to open with your dick. But it won’t change. The adventure tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, it’s more of a hallway with a few doors.

There’s a secretary character who appears for maybe three screens. I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to get back to her office. You can’t. She’s just gone. Like a sneeze that never comes. The whole thing feels like someone described a porn plot to an AI that had only ever read tax forms. Dare to play it with the window open, let the neighbors hear the terrible voice acting.