What is even the point of the photo of her in the red dress with the black corset thing? It’s the first thing you see and it’s the only time you see it. You click start and poof, she’s in a generic pink bra and panties set that looks like it came from a bargain bin. The game is called a strip quiz but it’s more like a memory test for perverts with a very specific fetish. Krystal Steal, the real human model, stares at you with this expression that’s somewhere between boredom and mild constipation while you answer trivia. The questions. My god. They repeat. I got the same one about the capital of Australia three times. Canberra. I know it’s Canberra now. I will never forget it. My brain is permanently damaged.

She has big tits. That’s the main mechanic. You’re supposed to focus on the questions but they’re right there, defying the cheap lace, and the whole thing feels like a test of willpower I didn’t sign up for. Each right answer removes one item of clothing. It’s a slow, painful process because the questions are randomly pulled from some ancient database of general knowledge and the difficulty is all over the place. One minute it’s “what color is the sky” and the next it’s a math problem. I failed a math problem and she smirked. The sound effect was a harsh buzzer that made me feel genuine shame. I think I heard that same buzzer in a game show from 1997. The whole thing has this unpolished, thrown together vibe, like someone learned Flash in a weekend and had a very specific muse.

I wish there was more of a build up. It’s just question, clothing gone, question, clothing gone, until she’s naked and the game just… sits there. No fanfare. No special animation. Just a naked Krystal Steal and the lingering question of why the quizmaster couldn’t find a better photo for the title screen. The soundtrack is a ten second loop of something that might be royalty free jazz. It haunts me. For what it’s worth, if you find a quiz inherently erotic, this is that. A blonde woman will get naked if you know things. It’s a blunt transaction. But that red dress, man. It was a nice dress.