The energy fountain is a lie. It gives you back maybe a sliver of your health bar if you're lucky, but you have to stand there mashing the action key like some desperate pigeon, all while some squelching noise gets closer from the dark. That's the game, really. A maze in a shitty dungeon where the walls all look the same, like a bad texture pack for a game from 1998 your uncle pirated. But it's not the minotaur after you.

It's the sex stuff. They call them characteristics, which is a hell of a way to describe getting dry humped by a sentient patch of slime because you took a wrong turn. You're looking for a key. That's it. Walk around, avoid corners, find the key, go to the exit. Simple. My left hand cramped from holding down the arrow key. And every single dead end isn't just a dead end, it's a trigger. The danger is sexual, they said. No kidding. One room had this... thing. Just a shape with a specific intent. You walk in, the game locks you in place, and the sound design gets way too squishy. It's a first person view, so you're just staring at a mossy wall while it happens off screen, but the sounds. Jfc, the sounds. Reminded me of opening a can of dog food, slowly.

Some corners are safe. Some aren't. Found a move-in pattern that worked for a bit, sticking to the left wall, until I didn't and ended up in a scene with the Porn Bastards, which i assume is what the dev calls their dungeon monster collective. Looked like a glitch. Just a bunch of low poly lumps that clipped right through my character model. The whole ordeal lasted like fifteen seconds and then booted me back to the start of the floor. No fanfare, just "get fucked loser" in game mechanics form. You respawn with less health. The maze doesn't randomize. I spent way too long checking if the water fountain's effect was a fixed number. It's not. It's temperamental. I have notes. I'm not showing them.