Bang, right in the mast. The whole screen shakes and this captain lady, she's got tits that could start a mutiny, just smirks at me. You're supposed to sink three ships or something before she even thinks about loosening that coat. The aiming with the mouse feels kinda mushy, like trying to steer a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. Missed three shots in a row on this one sloop that kept bobbing up and down and I'm not even drunk yet. The cannonball arcs are weird, sometimes it feels like you're lobbing a watermelon, other times it's a bullet. No sense to it.

Then you hit and wood splinters fly everywhere. There's a little health bar for the enemy and one for you but honestly who's looking at that when she's standing right there with her hand on her hip, judging your aim. Sink the first ship and her coat opens a bit. Just a tease. The second ship, she loses the hat. The hat. Who cares about the hat. I wanted to throw my mouse when I saw that was the reward for getting pounded by cannon fire for five minutes. The shooting is basically an arcade shooter but stripped down to almost nothing. No power ups, no moving your ship, just aim and click. The big tits are the main event, obviously, and they're drawn with that glossy look, like someone oiled them up for inspection.

Wish there was more to do with the actual pirate theme. You're on a ship but it never moves. The waves are just a picture. She's got a captain's coat and that's it for the whole buccaneer fantasy. After the last ship goes down, she's finally naked and the fucking starts. It's a looped animation, you don't control any of it, just watch her bounce on your pixelated peg leg or whatever. The whole thing is over fast, faster than my first time. I dunno, for a quick jerk it's fine but calling it a strip shooter is generous when half the strip is a hat. The captain chick has a great rack though, no arguing with that. Just wish she'd shut up about my aim.