the loading screen is just a pair of jeans unzipping, real slow, and i'm already thinking about how my boss is gonna walk by my cubicle any second. alt+tab is my best friend. the whole thing runs in a browser tab, which is dangerous because it looks like i'm staring at a spreadsheet if you squint. it's called something forgettable, just "playmate" or whatever, but the thumbnail had a my little pony plushie in the corner and i clicked before my brain caught up.

so you get this hentai girl, short hai, big eyes, the usual. she just stands there in her jeans and a crop top, blinking. there's a fucking machine in the corner of the room, one of those piston things with a dildo attached, and a toy box. you click the toy, she picks it up. that's it. that's the mechanic. no dialogue trees, no stats, just her and whatever plastic thing you've selected. the animation loops are janky, like someone learned blender last tuesday. her hand clips through her thigh when she's using the vibrator and i wish they'd fix that but they won't. the sound effects are stock, that wet squelch you've heard in a hundred flash games from 2006. the soundtrack is just a low bass hum that makes my monitor vibrate slightly.

there's a button that says "jerk" and it just makes her look at the screen and smirk while the machine speeds up. i don't know what i expected. the bi tag is there because you can toggle a second girl, but she just stands there too, holding a different toy. they don't interact. it's like two separate browser tabs of the same game. the whole thing feels like a tech demo someone abandoned, but i keep clicking back to it between emails. the airplane mode joke is that there's no online component, it's all local, which is good because my work wifi blocks everything. ensured is probably a typo for "uncensored" but the pixelation is half-assed, like someone drew a blurry rectangle in ms paint. i spent twenty minutes just watching the machine cycle, the piston glistening, and now my lunch break is over and i haven't eaten.