Brickhouse Betty is back and honestly the animation in this one is jankier than ever, like someone learned to rig a model yesterday and just said fuck it, ship it. But that's the whole point isn't it? The jank is the charm. Betty's tits are absolutely massive, physics defying, the kind of ridiculous proportions that make you laugh and get hard at the same time. She's topless from the jump, all blonde and built like a fertility goddess on steroids, and she's got this dead serious look on her face while explaining that the blowjob she's about to give Santa is for the children of the world. The children. I lost it.

So she gets down to business, and the whole thing is so absurdly sincere. The sucking sounds are way too loud, the facial expressions cycle through the same three frames, and Santa just sits there with this frozen grin like he's buffering. I was clicking through, achievement hunting as usual, not expecting much. Then a second Santa drops down the chimney and starts throwing hands with the first one. Full on fistfight. The fake Santa gets unmasked as Grandpa Slappy, which if you've played the other Christmas Blonde episodes you saw coming from a mile away, but the execution is so stupid I couldn't stop grinning.

Here's the thing though. The real Santa apologizes to Betty, and when she asks how to make it up to him, he whips out a puppet and says "Well..." with this look. A puppet. Not his dick, not some elf on a shelf bullshit, a literal hand puppet. The game just ends there, blue balls for everyone, and I'm still thinking about it days later. What was he gonna do with that puppet? I have theories and none of them are wholesome. The whole experience is like a fever dream wrapped in tinsel, and I'm not even mad about the missing payoff. Actually I am a little mad. The puppet thing is gonna haunt me until next Christmas probably.